I’ve read this post twice now. The first time I left shocked that someone can relate to the feelings i have towards relationship as a fellow only child. I saved it to come back to when i had more free time because I wanted to really digest this.
The question you posed half way through puzzles me as well. I wish that weren’t the case. I wish I could go in, knowing this is forever. I crave a forever friend, a chosen sister. “relationships aren’t investment accounts where you receive back what you put in” is the hardest pill i’ve had to swallow in my 20’s. Beautiful read Katz.
Thank you for such a heartfelt comment, truly appreciate you for taking the time to write it.
I’m so delighted that the post resonated with you, that you had to keep it safe and return to it.
Thank you for sharing as well a bit of your own journey. I resonate so much. I too wish I could experience the same people forever. But wherever your desire is, I still hope life blesses you with it because life can have in store for us unexpected blessings.
I feel this so much right now. One of my closest ever friends - my best friend for over 11 years has just faded into the background - completely content about being there .. I made the recent decision to stop texting first and end their opportunity for disconnected, insulting one-word responses - on the increasingly rare occasion that they even acknowledged or responded.
I have two other close friends that have also just gone their own way…. I have done a head long look at myself - is it me? And finally come to the conclusion that is it not- and it is their loss….
I look at it as a season of making room rather than a season of loss. I look forward to those better friends who are on their way into my life …
But quite honestly - at this point - it looks like those friends are cats. 🤣
MelAnn 🤣🤣 I absolutely did not anticipate the ending of your comment. You made my day!!!
Thank you so much for dropping your comment and creating rapport and resonance between our stories 🤎 it’s always so healing to know that the things you go through aren’t foreign.
I’m just sorry that this also has to be your experience. May you experience and know better and in the meantime, may you not take the changes to heart 🙏🏾
Reading this comment was so refreshing and hilarious. Thank you.
For the first time ever in my life, I don't have friends and this is weird 😩🩷 but maybe it's all part of growing and evolving. Maybe I have to learn to be a good friend to me for now...
Thank you Ashleigh, for firstly taking the time to comment on my post 😊🙏🏾
I’m so glad that you found resonance and that it felt like a timely read. And precisely that! We often feel a sense of loneliness or isolation thinking that we are going through something that’s untoward. But speaking on it can unburden us so much.
Oh my goodness, this was such a good and relatable read, Katz. Trying to figure out how to stay open to connection whilst knowing it can just go away is quite a journey, and not an easy one. May we each be gentle and tender with ourselves along the way. Thank you for penning this and sharing it with us, Katz. Restacking for sure 🙏🏾🖤🌸
I can relate to this so much. I truly thought it was just me. It’s devastating. However as i’ve released them it’s taught me how to better nourish and appreciate what has stayed. It’s also made so much room for new people who are healthy for me and taught me so much. I just get so happy when I meet someone who I really enjoy i’m like wow i’m so glad I have space and time to recognize how amazing you are!
Thank you Jourdana for such a thoughtful reflection and taking time to add to the conversation.
You have beautifully substantiated what remaining open looks like in the face of constant loss. That while it can be devastating to let go, it opens up room for connections that truly nourish us. I appreciate your reminder of how beautiful it can be to recognize and cherish the new people who come into our lives.
This reminds me of pouring into someone too much. The disconnect and sense of loss will change with every relationship,so I don’t pour into friends as much. I heal better
Thank you for writing this. So many of us are currently or have previously found ourselves nursing the wounds of friendship breakup, feeling utterly unprepared for the process in the first place. You wrote about this so beautifully and I’m sending you more love to help you keep going and not harden your heart to connections that might be life changing.
The friendship breakups throughout my life have plagued me more than any romantic one has to date. I grew up as my mother’s only child and have truly poured my heart into sisterhood with friends over the years. When a friendship that I was convinced would be forever ends, I’m heartbroken and think about my possible missteps for embarrassingly long afterwards. I think I’m in the process of practicing acceptance and letting go. As you touch on, people aren’t meant to be held onto. They are meant to come and go as they please. I’m thankful for the sisterhoods of mine that have remained and passed through seasons as much as I am thankful for the sisterhoods that I haven’t yet encountered. 💕✨ thank you so much for this vulnerable and honest piece. 💕
Wow, Jus! Thank you so much for pouring your heart out and the courage to leave this comment. Because it is deeply felt and mirrors so much my own heart.
We are clearly sisters in our yearning for sisterhood as only children. And I totally understand what you mean when you say that friendship break ups have been more devastating than romantic ones.
I also kind of laughed when you say, “and think about my possible missteps for embarrassingly long afterwards” because saaame!! I hate it so much because they probably don't stay up at night ruminating over us days on end.
We are okay, it's okay 🤎
May all your hearts desires when it comes to friendship be met 🌻✨️
Everything in life has its season. We should treasure what we have when we have it and let it go when it's over. Then we have to trust that things will be better, even though it may not feel that way all the time.
This is such a sober perspective and sadly true, it is the one way that allows us to not be weighed too heavily by the transitory nature of connections. So thank you for this Zed and for also taking the time to read and give thought to my words, much appreciated 🤎
This is such a wonderful and vulnerable piece. You tapped into so many important things and the ending is so full of hope. I always struggle to end my essays with hope because they are full of questions I am looking for answers for. I loved reading your post though I can feel the pain you must have felt when a friends you hold so dear disconnected from your life. Sending you hugs and warmth to get you through this!!! ❤️
Thank you my darling for taking the time to read this piece and taking in so thoughtfully my words.
LOL. I think it just reflects my annoyingly optimistic heart. It also keeps me sane because life can feel so disheartening, the things that happen and can weigh us down. So it is my way to keep afloat.
So even your way of reflecting is valid because after all, our writing is all about honesty, being honest with ourselves and readers about where we are and where we see ourselves and the world we find ourselves in.
Thank you for holding me with so much love and warmth, I truly appreciate it.
Same to you Katz! Thanks for holding me. Absolutely love this subject and it is one that is impossible to talk about without being vulnerable. It concerns us all and everyone has different experiences with it and we are all trying to find ways to better our friendships.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and affirm me in this way, truly appreciate it. I'm so delighted it could find a space of resonance with you.
I stumbled across this post on the 15th anniversary of the loss of my father ... while also processing lots of living grief... every word you wrote hit exactly where it needed to. Thank you for sharing your heart and your gifts! I look forward to reading more.
Sometimes friends come back much later on in life when the stresses of building a life are over, and this renewed friendship is even better than the first round. ❤️
Thank you for such a hopeful and optimistic take on this Deborah. It is such an important thought to take in. Sometimes separation doesn’t mean it is the end, and that’s such a warm thought to hold on to.
You know it’s funny. I have a friend who I am super close with, as we have known each other for a few years. We’ve always supported each other. A recent interaction between her and I was quite unpleasant I hate that for us.
I am a person that isolates sometimes. Much of that is from my childhood and having to learn how to deal with my problems alone. However, I always make an effort to show up to the best of my ability for the people I love - even when I’m not okay. She has lost many of her friends in such a short period of time recently, and that has been affecting her approach with me. She can be codependent at times, and needs to feel wanted by others. That is fine, and I get it - I always have. But she fails to see things from the point of view of others sometimes.
I love her, but I’m also a struggling adult lol navigating friendships is a tough feat, but that doesn’t diminish who we are as people. I’m sure you’re a lovely friend!
Thank you so much Ali for commenting so openly and finding resonance with my post.
I’m sorry that this one friendship has been not so easy to navigate. I hope you remember that you are just as worthy of receiving the same care and thoughtfulness as you give. And you’ll take care of yourself too 🤎
I try to be a good friend although I still have a lot to learn since friendship dynamics are so different as one grows and becomes an adult
“Maybe I have to learn to be a good friend to me for now” sheeesh!!! What a word 🔥
Thank you Thando for reading 🤗 may you meet your tribe when you’re ready for them and experience the wonder of friendship again 🤎
Exactly, and also recall that everything has seasons, including friendships.
Yep but not going to lie, it’s always been a hard one to come to terms with
I’ve read this post twice now. The first time I left shocked that someone can relate to the feelings i have towards relationship as a fellow only child. I saved it to come back to when i had more free time because I wanted to really digest this.
The question you posed half way through puzzles me as well. I wish that weren’t the case. I wish I could go in, knowing this is forever. I crave a forever friend, a chosen sister. “relationships aren’t investment accounts where you receive back what you put in” is the hardest pill i’ve had to swallow in my 20’s. Beautiful read Katz.
Ashlee 🥹🤎
Thank you for such a heartfelt comment, truly appreciate you for taking the time to write it.
I’m so delighted that the post resonated with you, that you had to keep it safe and return to it.
Thank you for sharing as well a bit of your own journey. I resonate so much. I too wish I could experience the same people forever. But wherever your desire is, I still hope life blesses you with it because life can have in store for us unexpected blessings.
Sending much love and hugs 🤗
P.S. My middle name is Robyn 🤎
I feel this so much right now. One of my closest ever friends - my best friend for over 11 years has just faded into the background - completely content about being there .. I made the recent decision to stop texting first and end their opportunity for disconnected, insulting one-word responses - on the increasingly rare occasion that they even acknowledged or responded.
I have two other close friends that have also just gone their own way…. I have done a head long look at myself - is it me? And finally come to the conclusion that is it not- and it is their loss….
I look at it as a season of making room rather than a season of loss. I look forward to those better friends who are on their way into my life …
But quite honestly - at this point - it looks like those friends are cats. 🤣
MelAnn 🤣🤣 I absolutely did not anticipate the ending of your comment. You made my day!!!
Thank you so much for dropping your comment and creating rapport and resonance between our stories 🤎 it’s always so healing to know that the things you go through aren’t foreign.
I’m just sorry that this also has to be your experience. May you experience and know better and in the meantime, may you not take the changes to heart 🙏🏾
Reading this comment was so refreshing and hilarious. Thank you.
P.S.At least cats always come back 🫢
For the first time ever in my life, I don't have friends and this is weird 😩🩷 but maybe it's all part of growing and evolving. Maybe I have to learn to be a good friend to me for now...
Thank you Ashleigh, for firstly taking the time to comment on my post 😊🙏🏾
I’m so glad that you found resonance and that it felt like a timely read. And precisely that! We often feel a sense of loneliness or isolation thinking that we are going through something that’s untoward. But speaking on it can unburden us so much.
I appreciate the affirmation and the well wishes.
Much love and take care 😊✨
Oh my goodness, this was such a good and relatable read, Katz. Trying to figure out how to stay open to connection whilst knowing it can just go away is quite a journey, and not an easy one. May we each be gentle and tender with ourselves along the way. Thank you for penning this and sharing it with us, Katz. Restacking for sure 🙏🏾🖤🌸
Oh Kathilia 🥹🤎
This was so heartwarming to read. Thank you for taking the time to pen such beautiful words to me.
I’m so happy that you enjoyed this and it was one that was so resonant.
Those are words as well we ought to take in and affirm because sheesh this can be a tough one.
I appreciate the support too 🌻✨🫶🏾
I can relate to this so much. I truly thought it was just me. It’s devastating. However as i’ve released them it’s taught me how to better nourish and appreciate what has stayed. It’s also made so much room for new people who are healthy for me and taught me so much. I just get so happy when I meet someone who I really enjoy i’m like wow i’m so glad I have space and time to recognize how amazing you are!
Thank you Jourdana for such a thoughtful reflection and taking time to add to the conversation.
You have beautifully substantiated what remaining open looks like in the face of constant loss. That while it can be devastating to let go, it opens up room for connections that truly nourish us. I appreciate your reminder of how beautiful it can be to recognize and cherish the new people who come into our lives.
This reminds me of pouring into someone too much. The disconnect and sense of loss will change with every relationship,so I don’t pour into friends as much. I heal better
Thank you for writing this. So many of us are currently or have previously found ourselves nursing the wounds of friendship breakup, feeling utterly unprepared for the process in the first place. You wrote about this so beautifully and I’m sending you more love to help you keep going and not harden your heart to connections that might be life changing.
The friendship breakups throughout my life have plagued me more than any romantic one has to date. I grew up as my mother’s only child and have truly poured my heart into sisterhood with friends over the years. When a friendship that I was convinced would be forever ends, I’m heartbroken and think about my possible missteps for embarrassingly long afterwards. I think I’m in the process of practicing acceptance and letting go. As you touch on, people aren’t meant to be held onto. They are meant to come and go as they please. I’m thankful for the sisterhoods of mine that have remained and passed through seasons as much as I am thankful for the sisterhoods that I haven’t yet encountered. 💕✨ thank you so much for this vulnerable and honest piece. 💕
Wow, Jus! Thank you so much for pouring your heart out and the courage to leave this comment. Because it is deeply felt and mirrors so much my own heart.
We are clearly sisters in our yearning for sisterhood as only children. And I totally understand what you mean when you say that friendship break ups have been more devastating than romantic ones.
I also kind of laughed when you say, “and think about my possible missteps for embarrassingly long afterwards” because saaame!! I hate it so much because they probably don't stay up at night ruminating over us days on end.
We are okay, it's okay 🤎
May all your hearts desires when it comes to friendship be met 🌻✨️
Everything in life has its season. We should treasure what we have when we have it and let it go when it's over. Then we have to trust that things will be better, even though it may not feel that way all the time.
This is such a sober perspective and sadly true, it is the one way that allows us to not be weighed too heavily by the transitory nature of connections. So thank you for this Zed and for also taking the time to read and give thought to my words, much appreciated 🤎
This is such a wonderful and vulnerable piece. You tapped into so many important things and the ending is so full of hope. I always struggle to end my essays with hope because they are full of questions I am looking for answers for. I loved reading your post though I can feel the pain you must have felt when a friends you hold so dear disconnected from your life. Sending you hugs and warmth to get you through this!!! ❤️
Thank you my darling for taking the time to read this piece and taking in so thoughtfully my words.
LOL. I think it just reflects my annoyingly optimistic heart. It also keeps me sane because life can feel so disheartening, the things that happen and can weigh us down. So it is my way to keep afloat.
So even your way of reflecting is valid because after all, our writing is all about honesty, being honest with ourselves and readers about where we are and where we see ourselves and the world we find ourselves in.
Thank you for holding me with so much love and warmth, I truly appreciate it.
Mwah 🤎🤎
Same to you Katz! Thanks for holding me. Absolutely love this subject and it is one that is impossible to talk about without being vulnerable. It concerns us all and everyone has different experiences with it and we are all trying to find ways to better our friendships.
What a beautiful way of writing about a feeling so many of us relate to. I loved every bit of it.
Dear Angèle 🤎
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and affirm me in this way, truly appreciate it. I'm so delighted it could find a space of resonance with you.
Sending you much love and warmth ✨️
I stumbled across this post on the 15th anniversary of the loss of my father ... while also processing lots of living grief... every word you wrote hit exactly where it needed to. Thank you for sharing your heart and your gifts! I look forward to reading more.
Sending you much love and warmth Krystle,🤍✨ as I’m also navigating loss through death.
The way you phrased “living grief” is so deeply profound.
I’m humbled that my words could seep through you the way they did. I’m grateful for you being receptive to them.
Thank you for being here and your support and encouragement ✨🫶🏾
When I lost what I thought were friends, life became clearer. Sometimes we need isolation for elevation.
Sheesh! That’s a bar and a half! Thank you so much Keneisha for reading and sharing that thought 💣 ✨
Learning to navigate substack and came across your note! I am so ready for more of your content!
This is so affirming! Thank you so much Keneisha 🥹✨🙏🏾 hope you will enjoy 🤎
Sometimes friends come back much later on in life when the stresses of building a life are over, and this renewed friendship is even better than the first round. ❤️
Thank you for such a hopeful and optimistic take on this Deborah. It is such an important thought to take in. Sometimes separation doesn’t mean it is the end, and that’s such a warm thought to hold on to.
You know it’s funny. I have a friend who I am super close with, as we have known each other for a few years. We’ve always supported each other. A recent interaction between her and I was quite unpleasant I hate that for us.
I am a person that isolates sometimes. Much of that is from my childhood and having to learn how to deal with my problems alone. However, I always make an effort to show up to the best of my ability for the people I love - even when I’m not okay. She has lost many of her friends in such a short period of time recently, and that has been affecting her approach with me. She can be codependent at times, and needs to feel wanted by others. That is fine, and I get it - I always have. But she fails to see things from the point of view of others sometimes.
I love her, but I’m also a struggling adult lol navigating friendships is a tough feat, but that doesn’t diminish who we are as people. I’m sure you’re a lovely friend!
Thank you so much Ali for commenting so openly and finding resonance with my post.
I’m sorry that this one friendship has been not so easy to navigate. I hope you remember that you are just as worthy of receiving the same care and thoughtfulness as you give. And you’ll take care of yourself too 🤎
I try to be a good friend although I still have a lot to learn since friendship dynamics are so different as one grows and becomes an adult